Friends indeed and friends with needs

I have come across with many people in my life, learned about who are true friends and who are not. A wise man told me that I have no friends in my life but very few ones. And yes, he did point me to realize the truth.

In my thinking and perception, friends who comes to you only when they need you, are the ”sex addict” friends. Always comes to you only when they need you, and then after that, poof! They are gone again. Friend indeed are friends who are true to you, they will somehow appear at anytime and oftenly, to disturb you as like a monkey always ask for a peanut (haha!), to ask you out, and to share your burden always. Upon that, they cross their heart and seal their mouth about the secrets you shared to them, never will they tell a single soul in this world about it.

Is true that those true monkey friends are hard to find, and here I realize that it is not so much about finding the true friends in your life, but is about you being the true friend to others and others to you, so make the first step first! (This applies to everyone, no exception!) And to those who have not been a good friend to your true friends, you better start repent and be true to your friends who are being true to you before it is too late.

So what are you? “Sex addict” or “a monkey” to me?

It’s too late to apologize

I was always being stubborn and not to believe that this is the song my friend told me that it suits my feelings, and it is the message that I should yell out.. I’ve never believe it but until now.. I think I do now.

 

I present this song personally to the many of you out there..

 

I’m holdin’ on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I’m hearin’ what you say,
But I just can’t make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down…
But wait…
You tell me that you’re sorry,
Didn’t think I’d turn around…
And say…That it’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late…
I said it’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
Yeah!

I’d take another chance,
Take a fall, take a shot for you.
I need you like a heart needs a beat,
But it’s nothin’ new.
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it’s turnin’ blue…
And you say…
Sorry, like an angel
Heaven let me think was you…
But I’m afraid…

It’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
I said it’s too late to apologize.
It’s too late.
Whoa!

It’s too late to apologize. YEAH!
I said it’s too late to apologize. YEAH!
I’m holdin’ on your rope,
got me ten feet off the ground.

 

I love you and yet I hate you, a mixture of the feelings of fire and ice. Such was the impact that hits me the hardest, it makes me feel like dying but yet I cannot do so. Christians keep on telling me the same thing again and again, to turn to Christ, stop crapping to me anymore, I am tired. Stop telling me about Christ.

Do you truly know what I truly need now? Not many of you knows. I’d rather you do it than to just say it. I need friends indeed, not friends with purely needs. They will come to you whenever they need you, I hate you and how I wish these so call friends will have no true friends in your life, not only wants or intends, but I wills it that you will suffer. Yet, do you think I will do that and truly wish for that? Oh how I wish I can curse and will something against you because of my hatred for you, but the love inside my heart forbids me to do so.. such torment, is there any of you truly understand what is this feeling like?

 

With only one word to express this feeling, “Sigh…”

Tales, tales, and more tales from Gideon aka Nicholas!

I posted my previous blog in last month though but I think something might have gone wrong, it just didn’t show up. Anyway, I’ll just try posting again. Wow, it’s been a long time ever since I last posted and hell yeah, gone through lot of ups and downs, but still more on downs. Tsk tsk tsk.

 

Have you ever experience this before? Spending hours at night with someone dear to you, dancing and then sitting down on the chair and gazing upon the sky full with stars, listening to mp3 ang both singing along. This is one of the sweetest memory in my life and I will never forget about it. I guess no one will know who is that person though. Haha.

 

Currently carrying up many field of interest in my life, my BA studies, Modeling, Magic, and Music. It’s been fun back in school continuing my BA studies and yeah, lots of studies and papers to do and before DUE! Ugh. Studies are like that but is still fun for me. There are many new buildings under constructions now including the hostel and roof top garden, I can’t wait for it to finish up and then I got more places to run around like a monkey, new places to explore and cool technologies to play around! Well that’s school. People in the school are actually friendly and fun but most of them seems to be in their own closet and not opening up, acting holy and serious talks most of the time. So not fun at all in this particular area.

 

Modeling has been fun and yet, super pressure and stressful. Very competitive among my course mates and yeah believe me, it’s super competitive. There are always a dress code theme for each lessons (10 – 12 lessons in total), and I have gone through themes like High School Fashion, Military, CK – Calvin Klein, Fashion Executive, and up to the current one is the Androgynous look. This current one is the toughest one for me at the moment though. If you are not sure what androgynous is, it means “having both masculine and feminine characteristics, neither in only visual of feminine nor masculine look.” It’s hard for me and I don’t have anyone here who does make up! So yeah I am a bit screwed in this class and marks were only from graceful kindness, not my physical appearances. Coming up on mext theme, “Bad Boy Look!” I think I can do that but if anyone has got more idea to chip in, please do tip me with your ideas. Will be very much appreciated. Will be taking my photo shoot very soon and I am very excited for the whole day photo shooting! Will share it to you upon request and to some whom I know only. I don’t want anyone to just simply click on pictures and save it. I can’t afford to lose my reputations especially I am a newbie model now! Hehe! (Thick skin)

 

Now Magic has been an ancient interest for me ever since when I was a kid, guess what, I have been doing street magic to strangers, foreigners, and tourists! It’s fun and yeah, entertaining. But the most important thing is, you put a smile on someone’s face, you brightens up their day and that is the beauty of the art of illusion. My IBM (International Brotherhood of Magicians, ring115) induction test is postponed (by me requested to the president of ring115), to the 15th of June! Wish me best and I am gonna put lots of practice before it. It can gets me to soar high to the world. Will be needing to apply for international membership of IBM (Headquarter, USA) if I pass the induction test of the local IBM. IBM existed together with SAM (Society of American Magicians), and both of these groups are the most ancient organization recognized in the world. So yeah, I’m gonna work hard and smart for it!

 

And now music, I’m taking up and continuing my trainings in music again. Gonna focus in only one or two and yeah, you know what instruments are they. Haha.

 

That’s all for now on this, got to stop right here and go wash up though. Class is coming up and I don’t want to be late! And yeah, do keep in touch with me because I want to keep in touch with you too! Next post will be coming up very soon, so stay alert!

 

Until then, take care and muacks! Love ya!

Pain

I used to see things in a positive way, view on the world, on God, on things around me, and on people. However, things change after the day of my baptism 17 March 2002. Weird huh? Many bad things begin to come and it hits harder with every waves. It seems that when bad things happened, I’ve tried so hard to address the issues and wanting to solve it, people just avoids it like coward. Needing time and space? Given but how long? I don’t live long with this bloody corrupted life in this bloody damned world. As you too, no offence

Perhaps you would call me rude or not being courteous to people but I really will put on names in this blog. 

Lets talk about this person and this church a little bit, the name Yee Sean Cheng and the ACTS Church. What’s about them to me? ACTS Church is a good church whereby is a place I once called home, but what happened after meeting up with Sean? Things changed. I was in dilemma. Something happened between me and Sean privately and it should be solving among ourselves, how come the church was involve in the scenario? I felt so betrayed even by the church, everyone are siding and helping out Sean, and I was left totally alone. For 6 months, my phone was on for 24/7 but neither a single message nor call from anyone, the church? Full of hypocrites using righteousness as their shield. And there I begin to clearly understand the difference between the church and God. Disappointment, anger, unfairness, and hatred begin to grow, and results in pain and torment. I will bring you all that.

Another person as well comes into my mind, I wonder if he is lying or being sincere but perhaps I’ve mistaken him for lying, the name Edison Koh. We used to spend time a lot together but perhaps or situation and things happened, both of us got separated. Long after months, we kept in touch however, I really do not know whether is he being sincere or pestilent, keeping in touch me with and in every conversation is about his phone credit and money. Getting close to me again because of money or because of me? I started to question myself. Whereby he cannot or perhaps dare not even to reply. Kinda disappointed. Trying to talk things out but always results in argument, why? I really wish he will grow up mature fast enough and understand things maturely.

David, a close friend of mine and yes, we were in arguments and resulted in odd situation. For 6 months as well we’ve never been in touch until previously he came over to Singapore and visited me before his flight to Australia. We got back close together and I am very glad and happy for that, I teared. Because of this, it teaches me to see who is real friend and who is not. People like Sean and Edison? Jerks. The church? Hypocrites. Need to even get through a secretary before I am able to ask for help from a pastor. Fuck that huh? Lol.

Hmm.. Still, came to think about separation, perhaps it could be the one who saves me from something worse which might brings me death, and not being able to meet my love. I will bear that in mind.

Well that’s all for now, feeling lighter in my heart. Thanks for reading my complaints.

Blooming!!!!!

Hey hey fellow readers!

I have been great recently, got myself the latest deck “The Shadow Master” !!! Woohoo!!! my skills are improving each and everyday will be performing on stage soon! And now I have been doing street magic to strangers and even tourists like the white people xD

I have a little god brother now and his name is Daryl. Very funny person and always gets bully by me previously, but no longer, is vice versa now -.-” anyway! We have too much in common even the palm lines and our past events! Haha! Love ya bro!

And also! I got to know a girl for a short while already and her name is Vivian. A collegue of my bro Daryl. She fulfills quite some part of my criteria; grade 8 diploma in piano and she sings! Hehee! I find her pretty and kawaii, shorter than me just A LITTLE BIT :O Was at the beach playing volley ball with bunch of my friends and my bro, then later that, me and Vivian separated from the group and went sat down at the cliff, watched sunset and just talk. Haha! She’s funny xD

Anyway, this post is not so “formal” and in order though cause I am lazy, so just anyhow type it out haha!! Say something people! C’mon! Haha!

What I want for Christmas gift??

I really don’t know how is this year’s Christmas going to be for me… hopefully a good one. Wasn’t boring before but then since after I’ve got myself out from that idiotic organization, well everything changed. I felt better and whenever I reflects back about the past, it’s totally a nightmare and I’m thankful that it’s already behind.

Anyway, what am I wishing for this year’s Christmas gift? Hmmm… a deck of Bicycle Shadow Master’s deck would be ideal, or the secret of the Factory Sealed – Coin >:) or perhaps a LTR partner! :O lol!

What do you want or wish for your Christmas? Post it back, so that I can read and get entertain! >:)

Lene Marlin – Sitting down here

I’ve been looking for this song for years and finally I’ve found it! I love it!! Check it out! ^_^V

Where is she?

Years ago when I was in my high school’s studies, a best friend of her’s whom I always hang out with and of course, she always came along but stays quiet and shy… many of my friends knew that I fell for her but never the courage I have to tell her, I felt so useless after all.

Nevertheless, time has passed as like the sand of time slipping through my fingers, I’ve forgotten this part of feeling and has locked away deep inside my heart, lost in nowhere… but somehow, dreams are very mysterious to people, some are good dreams and some are bad one (I used to wish people nightmares xD), and today I dream of her.

As she approach to me and greet me, I was shocked to the max, my heart is pumping harder and faster than ever, I just anyhow greet her back.

The next thing is, I found myself woke up in my bed and I realized that it was just a dream… a dream that has unlocked the feeling which I’ve locked up and kept it aside, somehow something knew it’s there and has unlocked it… I’ll try to contact her best friend again due I don’t her her contacts but only through her best friend… I wonder where is she…

Gloomy days with Harry Potter’s last book

My semester has come nearly to an end and it is gonna be another holiday ahead of me! Hahaha… but the sad thing is, I have got five research papers to write and that robs my holiday mood. Boooo!!! >:(

Well anyway, nowadays, most of the times I am feeling very sleepy due that the weather is changing, ’stormier’ and more stormier’ each and everyday, which I do really like this kind of weather, dark, windy and chilling… MuaHahha!! xD

Hmmm… I had a very bad day yesterday, running around Klang town looking for a book, guess what book is that? Harry Potter and the Death Hollows, but still I could not find it because of the price conflicts and all the major bookstores like MPH and Popular are not releasing it to the public, that really turned me off, Pif!! Released in the radio said 21st of July 2007 is the releasing date but yet why are the books not out!? Please confirm the releasing date and once affirmed, make sure you do it nicely otherwise you are going to provoke the public’s anger and kills the entertainment! 2 / 10 I give to the management!  You suck! Grrr!!

But today my BIG sister called me on phone and told me that the books are available from today onwards in MPH, Popular, and others… I was like YIPPIE!! But yet, Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!! Damn it! Lol! Anyway, my sis bought one for me after her work though! Yay!! I love ya! xD

Another rushy day, enjoy it or endure it? :D

Oh dear… I am suppose to do research on this guy named Bartholome de Las Casas and I have very limited resources to find about him… X_X but anyway, It’s all going to be alright I hope X_X Well the most important thing afterall is that, do I enjoy it or am I enduring it? I choose to enjoy it

Today’s weather appeared oddly to me though… it rains a little in the dark stormy day and then suddenly the sun just shines out again… Zzzz… as if like my friend is sleeping in the room and I’m playing with the switch! Switching on and off the lights… Hahahha!! (I used to do that when I was younger )

But say… talking about that… I remember when I was a young boy I use to play with matches… and I burnt my house’s cupboard and you know what happened to the dusbin? Poof! Vanshed… LOL! Until now, I still likes fire… I don’t know why But I certainly do enjoy it!! HAHAHA!!

Argh! I hate to say this but I must stop here to continue my paper for later night’s class. Still, I am suppose to enjoy it isn’t it? (half crying and half smiling) T_TV + ^_^V